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I sat trying hard to wait patiently, but I could not help but fidget. A few others in the room also fidgeted as we waited our turn for the audition. So far three had taken their turn, with twelve of us yet to go. I looked nervously about, well aware that I was extremely lucky to be here, and by the looks from a couple of the others, a deep loathing that showed their total resentment that I should even be in the same room as them.To them, I was the odd man out, Yes… Man, but I was not a man anymore, but they did not see it that way. We had been in dance classes together, and to them, I was still Nicholas Kerr, a weird young guy who didn’t quite fit in.The audition room door opened and out limped a girl in tears, clearly, her audition had gone very wrong, and she had hurt herself.Well, what I meant by ‘girl’ is that she was about eighteen or so, but we were all called girls cause that how it went. She shuffled towards her seat, then I stood up and went over to help her as nobody else was willing to face her torment.The audition was for a place with the National Dance Company, and it was really a once in a lifetime chance to get selected. Any mishap and you were ruined, dreams shattered, chances missed. The audition was the pinnacle for any of the local girls to get beyond here, and onto the national or international stage.The girl I had seen in passing but had never danced with before. She sobbed her heartache onto my shoulder, for her, this was the end. For everyone else, however, she was just another obstacle out of their way. Slowly she gathered her kit and made her way to the outer door, there was no point in her staying anymore. I went back to my seat.”Susan Willis.”Another girl two seats away stood up and move towards the audition room, closing the door behind her. A few minutes later she returned looking flushed, but quite happy.”Angela Banks.”Angela Banks, that was me, the new me, I stood up and walked over to the door, I heard the angry hiss of disproval behind me. I shut the door and the hiss diminished, there were now just four people in the room, and that’s all that mattered at this time.I faced the panel of three, waiting for them to instruct me for whatever they wanted. Two I did not know, but the third had been my dance teacher from high school, Misses Reeves. That could be either awkward or helpful, but which, I did not know.”Angela, you present us with a very difficult problem.” The first woman looked at me. “You are our first trans woman to seek a place in the National Dance Company. I am sure you already know and understand the implications of that.””Yes, I do understand, but that should not be a problem if you are looking for the best dancer for the company.””While the best should be selected, it is not always the best that is selected if the best is going to be an ongoing liability.”I had heard that before, it was very hard to argue in such a position like this. I knew how catty and difficult some girls could be to each other and I would be very much on the outer of the group, but it was something I had learned to deal with in my past. It was very important in a company like this to be able to get along with everyone else.”Yes, I am aware that such problems can arise.””You have selected the second piece of music for your dance.” The second woman queried, “Why that piece?”I faced her, “The music flows and is very expressive, I grew up dancing to that piece. I feel the music takes me to a better place.””Very well, begin.”The music began and I began to dance, I focused in on the sounds and flowed to Kıbrıs Escort each phase of the music, shifting, twirling, gliding and leaping. I dance my heart out, drawing deeply from my own past and the more formal training I had since.The music ended and I stood there panting slightly, feeling a little flushed from the excursion. I knew I had done the dance to the best of my ability.The three judges took notes and then face me again. Then my old high school teacher escorted me to the door.”Nic, umm, Angela, you have done me proud today, thank you.”I gave her a brief smile and returned back to my seat, took a drink and waited, it was going to be a long afternoon. One by one the others took their turn, some looked happy at their performance, while a few showed the strain and sad looks as they returned, knowing that they had made some kind of mistake, lowering their chances to get a place.Then came the agonizing wait, while the judges took their time to select the final few for a further interview and dance. Time ticked slowly by as we waited. Then the judges came out and addressed us.They talked about the wonderful standard of dancing that they had seen, the difficulty of making their choices, and the deep regrets that so many of us would have to miss out this time.”Would the following please go through to the audition room.” She paused, “Kim Chow, Susan Willis, Brenda Goldsmith, and Angela Banks.”I sat there for a moment in shock that my name had been read out. The others were getting to their feet. I heard some disquiet that my name had been called, like that I did not belong there. I still had to get through the rest of the afternoon, along with the others who were now making their way to the audition room. Quickly I followed.There was no doubting that the other three girls were the cream of the crop, they had been dancing since they were small and they were very well trained. My dancing had only really got underway at high school.We were instructed to do a standard dance to a set piece of music, this time together rather than individual dancers. We did what was required and we worked our way through flawlessly, or so we thought.Then we were told we need to dance an improvised dance to a piece of music, we were to space our selves out, and then the music began. The music began slowly then it picked up the pace, shifted and slowed again. Then a different melody started and we kept on dancing. Again the music change to a simple four-beat song, then it stopped suddenly.The others stopped mid-dance, unsure what was happening, but I kept on going, the music in my mind, and then it started again and I was right on the beat. The song ended and we waited.The judges concurred, and then faced us again. “Susan, Brenda, your dancing is wonderful, energetic, and well timed. It is with regret that we can not offer you a place at this time. There will be further auditions in six months time, please attend those. Thank you for your efforts today. That will be all.”Both girls were shattered at the news, but Susan thanked the judges, and held her head up high, then walked out. Brenda stood for a moment in disbelief, then began to make towards the door, she turned back and gave me a look of utter loathing. She wailed as she closed the door behind her.”Kim, your dancing is superb, brilliant, and of a very high caliber. You were the top dancer here today. You will do well and go far in the National Dance Company.” She turned and looked at me.”Angela, you are something extraordinary, you dance as if the Lefkoşa Escort music is part of you, your dancing flows from your mind and your body. You keep going even when the music stopped, you didn’t miss a beat. Yes, you will do very well in the National Dance Company.This was it, I had now achieved what I had wanted since I was very little. I was now officially a ballerina with the National Dance Company.After getting more instructions we thanked the judges, and then it was time for us to go. I was going back to my flat, and Kim to her family. We gave each other a brief hug, then we were on our way.I lived in an old villa with four bedrooms, and there were six of us living there. Dawn and Violet, in one room, they were lesbian lovers. Dan and Robert in the next, they were both gay. Grant was by himself, he claimed to be a Vampire and only came out of his room when it was dark. That left me, I was a trans woman. We all got on very well together.I arrived home to find everyone waiting for me, they knew it was my big day. They all waited with bated breath while I took off my jacket a then entered the lounge.”How did you get on?” Asked Grant.”I did it, I’m in, I’m a ballerina with the National Dance Company.” I beamed.Ten seconds later there was a party going on, I had a glass of wine in my hand everyone had kissed me. The call went out and soon after a few more friends arrived to celebrate my success.Happy with my success, my friends then wanted me to tell them all of how it happened, right from the beginning, right to the audition. “All?” I asked.”ALL!” Came the reply as they filled my glass again. And so I began at the very beginning.I was born a boy, eight years after my sister arrived, and more years after my three big brothers. I was a small child growing up and I simply adored and wanted to be like my big sister who unfortunately got to babysit me more often than not.We lived in a provincial town, where attitudes were at least thirty years behind. Boys were boy and girls were girls, and you did not dare to challenge that belief. I was going to be brought up as a boy no matter what.I was still a pre-schooler, but my sister had ballet classes after school, so I came along as I was too little to be left at home. This did not bother me as I watch my sister learning to dance, and soon after I wanted to dance too. There were a few other pre-schoolers, so we found a corner of the hall and tried to dance too, but I was the only boy there.My sister was given a beautiful music box for her birthday, one that opened and a ballerina would then stand up and dance around it a circle, while music played. I was fascinated by her music box and would often sneak into her room so I could wind the key and watch the figurine go around and around. Mom grew cross with me so I had to stop.About a month before my fifth birthday, my Grandmother came to visit and took my sister and me to see the ballet, The Nut Cracker. I was hooked then, I knew I wanted to be just like the dancers on stage.I turned five, and it was my first day at school. I was excited and happy to begin, but for one awkward moment when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up.I replied, “I want to be a ballerina.”Everyone else laughed, then the teacher told me that boys can’t be ballerinas, but only girls could be ballerinas. I would have to think of something else to be when I grew up. While I did not say anything, I thought that perhaps just once in a while a boy might be able to become a ballerina.My sister began high school, Girne Escort and no longer had ballet classes after school, she now had dance and drama classes as part of her subjects choices. At first, this meant I no longer had any form of dance, but then my sister needed to practice at home, and when she did so, I tried to join in.After a few weeks, my sister found that by showing me what she needed to learn, she began to quickly master her steps, and I got to dance much to my relief. This was a good combination.My father, however, was not pleased that I wanted to dance, and he enrolled me in a variety of different sports, hoping to find something to change my mind. But for me, I was still about three sizes too small for my age, nothing sparked any kind of interest, and more often than not I end up sidelined in order that I would not get hurt.My sister then began to change and I began to wonder about what would happen to me when I go to her age, and what changes I was going to expect, and if such changes would prevent me from becoming a ballerina.When I was ten, we had a big change for our family, my sister finished high school, and as my older brothers had done, she left home. Then my dad got a promotion to the big city. We packed up and moved houses and towns.My new room had a huge wardrobe, and in it was stacked all sorts of boxes and bags, that mom wanted to keep for when she started to have grandchildren. I then discovered that one of the boxes contained assorted clothing and toys that my sister use to have, including the ballerina music box.With the move, I also began a new school, one that was a lot different from my last school. I found they had after-school activities, including jazz dance and drama. But I quickly discovered that the dance group was for girls only, but I could do drama if I wanted, it seemed to be a poor second.I attended the drama group and found it to be much better than I had thought. I began to learn stage skills that would prove to be very worthwhile for later in my life. I also found a small group of friends who did not mind that I was small and that I was a bit weird with my desire to dance.A couple of years later I began high school, and while a dance class was an option, my dad interfered and told me that I had to do woodwork, much to my dismay.Needless to say, I had attended woodwork for three weeks, when my teacher, Mr. Blakely, asked me why I had chosen woodwork as the option, as it was clear to him I was totally out of my depth. I told him it was my dad’s choice, not mine, and that I wanted to be in the dance class.I was asked to stay after school, and I was to meet with Miss Puller at the dance studios. Miss Puller was a bit older than I expected, but she had the look of a well-trained athlete.”Well Nicholas, you would like to join my dance class, yes?””Yes. Please, if I can, I would like that very much.””Have you done much dancing before? I will warn you I expect a high standard from all my dancers, this is not an easy option.”I explained what I had done and what I knew about dancing, then she asked me to do a demonstration for her to see what I could achieve. I danced as best I could and she then smiled at me.”You are a bit rough about the edges, but I’m sure you can quite quickly catch up to the others in my class.” She made some notes then looked at me. “The next class for you will be after lunch tomorrow, please be on time and have on your PE gear. You will be the only boy in the class, I hope that is not going to be a problem for you.””Not a problem as far as I know.”The next day I attend my first actual dance class, there was some disquiet from a few of the other girls there, but Miss Puller quickly silenced the class, introduced me and then started the class with warm-ups. I had a wonderful time and began to learn what it takes to be a good dancer.

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